Vokes Theatre - The Monologues of Beatrice Herford

The Monologues of Beatrice Herford

In the Flower Shop

I want a few flowers to take to a friend ... just a few ... it's only a mild attack of flu, I think. I ought to have taken her some before, I'm afraid she's almost well ... Yes, roses are always nice, how much are those roses? ... How much? ... Six dollars a dozen! Oh, mercy, that's too much ... What do you call them? ... General Pershing? No ... I don't want anything so expensive ... I don't believe it's anything really more than a bad cold ... I wonder why they always name them after Generals ... I don't believe in coddling them ... How much are those buds? ... Three dollars a dozen? Well, let me see, three of those would be ... ? Seventy-five cents you say? ... Why, three times seventy-five cents would be only two something, wouldn't it? ... Never mind, I expect you're right ... you must know ... you're doing it all the time. But I'm afraid they don't look quite enough ... Oh, no I don't want any ferns with them ... no ... I don't like ferns, I mean in the house, it's different in the woods. But I have a friend who's crazy about ferns, if she has guests she always puts them in the fireplace ... No, I don't think I want a plant ... Hydrangeas? I didn't know they grew indoors, I don't like them anyway, they sound so like plumbing I was wondering about carnations ... they keep so long, don't they? I'm having a few friends to tea this afternoon, if I used them on the tea table this afternoon they'd still be fresh to take to anyone tomorrow, wouldn't they? ... Oh, they wouldn't be in a warm room, I don't keep my rooms hot at all, now my sister is just the opposite, I tell her she keeps hers too hot, but she has neuritis very badly, and very little sun in her rooms ... it's mostly in her arms and they are very dark and gloomy ... Some people don't like that odor of doves in carnations but I always like it, my sister, not the one with the neuritis she can't bear the smell of doves in carnations or the taste of them but she has a very peculiar sense of smell, she's always thinking there's a dead rat in the wall, or even in cake, I mean the taste of doves ... Well, I think I'U take eight of those rosebuds, that will be? ... Two dollars? ... Oh, will it? Well, I can use some of them for my tea. I ought to have taken her some flowers before. It will be just my luck to find she's all well again.

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	*In the Flower Shop*
	I want a few flowers to take to a friend ... just a few ... it's only a mild attack of flu, I think. I ought to have taken her some before, I'm afraid she's almost well ... Yes, roses are always nice, how much are those roses? ... How much? ... Six dollars a dozen! Oh, mercy, that's too much ... What do you call them? ... General Pershing? No ... I don't want anything so expensive ... I don't believe it's anything really more than a bad cold ... I wonder why they always name them after Generals ... I don't believe in coddling them ... How much are those buds? ... Three dollars a dozen? Well, let me see, three of those would be ... ? Seventy-five cents you say? ... Why, three times seventy-five cents would be only two something, wouldn't it? ... Never mind, I expect you're right ... you must know ... you're doing it all the time. But I'm afraid they don't look quite enough ... Oh, no I don't want any ferns with them ... no ... I don't like ferns, I mean in the house, it's different in the woods. But I have a friend who's crazy about ferns, if she has guests she always puts them in the fireplace ... No, I don't think I want a plant ... Hydrangeas? I didn't know they grew indoors, I don't like them anyway, they sound so like plumbing I was wondering about carnations ... they keep so long, don't they? I'm having a few friends to tea this afternoon, if I used them on the tea table this afternoon they'd still be fresh to take to anyone tomorrow, wouldn't they? ... Oh, they wouldn't be in a warm room, I don't keep my rooms hot at all, now my sister is just the opposite, I tell her she keeps hers too hot, but she has neuritis very badly, and very little sun in her rooms ... it's mostly in her arms and they are very dark and gloomy ... Some people don't like that odor of doves in carnations but I always like it, my sister, not the one with the neuritis she can't bear the smell of doves in carnations or the taste of them but she has a very peculiar sense of smell, she's always thinking there's a dead rat in the wall, or even in cake, I mean the taste of doves ... Well, I think I'U take eight of those rosebuds, that will be? ... Two dollars? ... Oh, will it? Well, I can use some of them for my tea. I ought to have taken her some flowers before. It will be just my luck to find she's all well again.