Vokes Theatre - The Monologues of Beatrice Herford

The Monologues of Beatrice Herford

Radio Pudding

I guess it's 'most time for that church service to begin, it's broadcasted 'bout eleven o'clock ... Go wash your face, Johnny, and put them tools away. Willie, it won't do you boys no harm to listen. It's rainin' so hard you can't git out and you've got the rest of the day to play ... Don't you want to set up nearer the radio, Pal The rest of us can hear anywheres ... Get out of that armchair, Willie, and let your pa have it. I told you to wash your face. I want yer pa to set in it so he'll be next to the radio ... Seems to me to get deefer every day, Pa See what time the kitchen clock says, Johnny, it's 'most time, I guess ... Ain't you 'most through in there, Abby? ... Well, come just as soon as you git the puddin' in the oven ... it was real good last Sabbath ... I hope it's the same quartet they had last time ... You don't want to miss that soprano, I think she had a real fine voice It wouldn't hurt a mite to put it in the oven tight away, hurry up, Abby, it's beginnin' now. They're singin' your favorite hymn, don't forget to shut the draught ... it sounds real nice ... did you put plenty of raisins in? ... I love that hymn ... last time it didn't have no vanilla in it and it wasn't near so good. Set down there, Abby, you didn't miss much of anything ... seems to be kind of a pause now. Maybe they're passin' the plate ... guess Pa don't mind missin' that. There's the soprano now, I guess it's the same one as last Sabbath ... What's she singin'? It's beginnin' to smell real good, Abby, how long you goin' to give it? I think likely you'd better take it out before the sermon ... She's singin' "0 Source of All Our Joys." I think hard sauce would be good with it I'd like less of the organ with it, it keeps drowning out the voices Maria Gibbs was tellin' me of a new sauce they use ... That tenor's voice is real sweet ... it's something between a hard and a soft kind of foamy … Keep still, Johnny, we can't hear when you do that it's the prayer now I guess you better go in the kitchen during the prayer, Abby, it has a way of rising up and running over and Pa won't like you gittin' up in the middle of it ... Take your feet off that chair, Willie, and take it out of your mouth or stop chewin'. He certainly is a great hand to pray ... Wouldn't you be more comfortable on the lounge, Pa? ... It's real inspirin' ... it lifts you right up ... No, I'm all right here. This rocker's real comfortable since I put that new cushion in it. I just seen the Bixbys drivin' by. I guess they eat up to her folks every Sabbath ... they do say he's as close as the bark on a tree. They was tellin' up to Ella's the other day that when they was talkin' of operatin' on his father's leg, he asked if it would be cheaper to have it cut off ... Where you gain', Johnny? ... Well, you don't need to, the canary has water and it won't hurt you a mite to set an' listen to this sermon ... Take it easy now, Abby set here on the lounge ... is the puddin' all right? It's the sermon now ... the one last Sunday took 'most two hours, but I guess the oven warn't so hot as 'tis today ... Is this the same man preached last Sabbath? ... He sounds awful loud and excited, I don't care for those rantin' preachers ... No, there's nothin' burning, Pa, it's the sermon ... I don't smell nothin' ... What's that smoke in there, Abby? ... Look! Good heavens! It's the puddin'!

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	*Radio Pudding*
	I guess it's 'most time for that church service to begin, it's broadcasted 'bout eleven o'clock ... Go wash your face, Johnny, and put them tools away. Willie, it won't do you boys no harm to listen. It's rainin' so hard you can't git out and you've got the rest of the day to play ... Don't you want to set up nearer the radio, Pal The rest of us can hear anywheres ... Get out of that armchair, Willie, and let your pa have it. I told you to wash your face. I want yer pa to set in it so he'll be next to the radio ... Seems to me to get deefer every day, Pa See what time the kitchen clock says, Johnny, it's 'most time, I guess ... Ain't you 'most through in there, Abby? ... Well, come just as soon as you git the puddin' in the oven ... it was real good last Sabbath ... I hope it's the same quartet they had last time ... You don't want to miss that soprano, I think she had a real fine voice It wouldn't hurt a mite to put it in the oven tight away, hurry up, Abby, it's beginnin' now. They're singin' your favorite hymn, don't forget to shut the draught ... it sounds real nice ... did you put plenty of raisins in? ... I love that hymn ... last time it didn't have no vanilla in it and it wasn't near so good. Set down there, Abby, you didn't miss much of anything ... seems to be kind of a pause now. Maybe they're passin' the plate ... guess Pa don't mind missin' that. There's the soprano now, I guess it's the same one as last Sabbath ... What's she singin'? It's beginnin' to smell real good, Abby, how long you goin' to give it? I think likely you'd better take it out before the sermon ... She's singin' "0 Source of All Our Joys." I think hard sauce would be good with it I'd like less of the organ with it, it keeps drowning out the voices Maria Gibbs was tellin' me of a new sauce they use ... That tenor's voice is real sweet ... it's something between a hard and a soft kind of foamy … Keep still, Johnny, we can't hear when you do that it's the prayer now I guess you better go in the kitchen during the prayer, Abby, it has a way of rising up and running over and Pa won't like you gittin' up in the middle of it ... Take your feet off that chair, Willie, and take it out of your mouth or stop chewin'. He certainly is a great hand to pray ... Wouldn't you be more comfortable on the lounge, Pa? ... It's real inspirin' ... it lifts you right up ... No, I'm all right here. This rocker's real comfortable since I put that new cushion in it. I just seen the Bixbys drivin' by. I guess they eat up to her folks every Sabbath ... they do say he's as close as the bark on a tree. They was tellin' up to Ella's the other day that when they was talkin' of operatin' on his father's leg, he asked if it would be cheaper to have it cut off ... Where you gain', Johnny? ... Well, you don't need to, the canary has water and it won't hurt you a mite to set an' listen to this sermon ... Take it easy now, Abby set here on the lounge ... is the puddin' all right? It's the sermon now ... the one last Sunday took 'most two hours, but I guess the oven warn't so hot as 'tis today ... Is this the same man preached last Sabbath? ... He sounds awful loud and excited, I don't care for those rantin' preachers ... No, there's nothin' burning, Pa, it's the sermon ... I don't smell nothin' ... What's that smoke in there, Abby? ... Look! Good heavens! It's the puddin'!